The Question (Why would you Love Me?)
by NiennorNight
Summary: This will be a two-shot revolving about a question Alec asks himself. The first part will be on a bad day, and the second on a good one. The stories probably share a timeline, but better be considered separate in case something gets repeated. [Slightly AU] Malec {First 3 chapters are angst and the last one fluff }
1. Bad Day - Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I'm not Cassandra Clare thus own** **none of the** **characters.**

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 **The Question**

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This is slightly AU, set around CoLS when Alec was scared and had doubts about their relationship, but in another universe, where the horrid events of infamous page 511 were nothing more than a nightmare…

Or in a much better world where Camille didn't make it to the 21st century…

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 ** _I wish I could see myself through your beautiful eyes…_**

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 **Bad day**

Alec woke up with a start, breathing heavily, memories of the dream he just had, already slipping away. He only remembered bits and pieces of the nightmare… There was… a subway… and Magnus… Magnus, saying **-**

' _No! No… No… it was a dream… only a dream…'_

He shook his head violently, he couldn't, and neither tried to recover the rest… He didn't want to. Absently, Alec reached a hand to his eyes and realized that he'd been crying.

 _'He wouldn't…_ _He… He loves me… Right? But…'_

 _" **Not that it changes anything."**_ Fragmental images of the Warlock walking away, leaving him all alone in the cold came back unbidden, and he shook his head again, trying to cast them away…

He turned his head to look at Magnus who was fast asleep his arm draped over him, holding him close, and found himself staring at the Warlock's face in the dim-lighted room.

His lips were parted slightly, his face was peaceful and his slender hand was clutching Alec's shirt as he slept. When sleeping, his caramel skin was devoid of make-up and glitter and he looked even younger than normal, and very vulnerable. The Nephilim smiled involuntarily; he was so beautiful…

 _'Why… Why would someone like you… love_ _…_ me? _'_ Even though the dream had faded already, he still remembered the last thing he saw before waking up. Magnus walking away from him, leaving him alone in the Darkness. More sombre thoughts invaded his mind, and he felt his heart constrict.

 _'Even if it was just a dream… It's inevitable… Soon he will realise… That he has no reason to love me… to be with me… Soon he'll come to his senses and leave me…'_ He felt tears burning behind his eyes; _'I have to go… I'll wake him up…'_ He tried to gently pry open the Warlock's fingers which were still holding onto his shirt, without waking him up but he failed.

"Alec?" Magnus asked looking at him through half-lidded eyes heavy with sleep and the boy felt his heart lurch. _'So beautiful…'_

"What's wrong sweetheart?" The Warlock whispered worried when the boy said nothing. Alec had to bite back a sob rising in his chest… _'He's so perfect… and all I am is…'_

"Nothing." He said finally, shaking his head to cast all thoughts aside, while trying to make his voice as even as possible. "I'll just be a minute." He added getting up, and Magnus reluctantly let him go; "Don't keep me waiting!" he called after him, smiling. Alec forced a smile and quickly disappeared in the bathroom shutting the door behind him and collapsing against it, sliding to the floor. All the dark feelings and fears he was suppressing for so long, hit him like a wave once he was alone. He clutched his face in his hands and pulled his knees on his chest fighting to stifle the sobs that overtook his body. Cruel thoughts, brought to the surface swirled into his head.

' _You're good for nothing!' 'Ugly' 'Useless' 'Freak' 'No one could love you' 'Weak_ _ling'_

"Stop…" He choked out "Don't think, don't think, don't think…" he chanted to no avail, tears falling from his blue eyes. In his mind he saw Magnus again, looking at him coldly, like he was a stranger he didn't even like.

 _'Soon he will see you for what you truly are_ _… And he will toss you aside as you deserve… Just like he did in that dream… You don't deserve his love.'_

Another sob fell from his lips and he curled into a ball trying to pull it together.

 _'Breathe, don't think, empty your mind…'_ He ordered himself, but the voices wouldn't be swayed.

 _'Hateful_ _.' 'Trash.' 'Useless.'_

"No, no, no…" He whimpered "Stop, stop…"

A knock on the door pulled him out of his reverie. "Sayang? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Magnus asked from the other side of the door and Alec harshly bit his lip drawing blood in an attempt to muffle his sobbing. He took a deep breath and once more, tried to make his voice even before speaking up, but failed miserably and stuttered, "Y-Yes, why wouldn't I be?"

"Alexander, you are a horrible liar, let me in." "I… I'm fine Magnus… Go to sleep…" _'He can't see me like that… He'll hate me… I'm so pathetic and weak_ …' However, Magnus would have none of that. "Alexander!" He raised his voice in a tone full of authority "If you don't open this door right now, so help me, I'm gonna destroy it!" A laugh escaped the Nephilim's lips and he smiled softly despite himself _'Bossy…'_

"Alec!" He repeated and the boy sighed, a positive thought finally gracing his mind; _'He sounds really worried… He must care a lot…'_

It was short-lived, however, and soon to be replaced by something darker. _'He's just angry at you for acting like a brat, that's all. That's why he's shouting.'_

"Magnus…" he called in a strained voice; _'He can't see me like that…'_ " **Please.** " he begged, and then added in a whisper, "I don't want you to hate me even sooner…" However, Magnus heard. " **What?** " The Warlock's voice echoed incredulous. "Alexander! What's that supposed to mean? I could **never** hate you! Open the door!"

 _'If only that was true…'_ Alec thought dropping his head on his knees again. "I'm sorry…" he only said and then fell silent hugging his knees to his chest. Unable to help himself, he started sobbing once more, the voices crueler than ever now that he wasn't ignoring them anymore.

 _'Everything's your fault…_ _ **Everything!**_ _'_ His inner voice accused and he gasped, struggling to breathe through the tears.

 _'Why… Everything was so perfect, why now?_ _'_ he asked himself curling into a ball, surrendering to the sobs that wracked his body. He was so out of it, lost in his grief, that he didn't notice the shadow over him, or heard the light footsteps coming his way. Suddenly, he felt familiar strong but gentle arms around him, hugging him tightly and Magnus' beloved warmth and scent enveloping him.

"How… How did you…?" He stuttered. "I'm a Warlock baby… I created a portal of course… Did you really think I was going to stay away while you were in pain?" When Alec remained silent Magnus went on. "Sweetheart… What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Alec just hugged him back clutching him desperately like a lifeline. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" he muttered into the Warlock's shirt, staining it with tears.

"Alexander…"

The way Magnus said his name every time, was so comforting… It made him feel loved. Magnus whispered it like a prayer; with adoration seeping from his voice, as if he was talking about something precious, something beautiful and beloved… Not the broken boy in his arms who would never believe he _**could**_ be _any_ of those things… Now, there was also a deep sadness in the Warlock's voice, seeing his beloved breaking to pieces like that, and not knowing why, or what he could do to make him better. "Alexander…" He repeated, "Did…" his voice faltered and broke "Did **I** … do something that hurt you?"

Alec's head shot up "No!" he shouted, looking deep into Magnus' eyes "No, no, no, no, no… Never! You… **You,** are perfect… It's all my fault… I… I am not good enough…" he said in a brittle voice. "I will never… **Could** never… be… good enough for you. Good enough to deserve you…"

Magnus was staring at him at a loss for words, disbelief etched on his beautiful features " **What?** " he managed, finally.

"I'm scared…" Alec went on, his voice low.

…

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 **Okay! Change of plans! Because I had two rough drafts and couldn't pick betwe** **en them, I'll add them both! So, both ch.2 and 3, happen immediately after the end of ch.1. Consider them two alternative endings.**

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 _ **I really hope you liked it! Please let me know what you thought so far! {I apologise if it was OOC! I'm sorry!}**_

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 **Next update will be tomorrow!**


	2. Bad Day - Chapter 2 (Alt Ending 1)

**Disclaimer: I'm not Cassandra Clare thus own** **none of the** **characters.**

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 **Hello! Pa** **rt 2 is here! Consider it Alternative Ending #1!**

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 **Previously:** **You,** are perfect… It's all my fault… I… I am not good enough…" Alec said in a brittle voice. "I will never… **Could** never… be… good enough for you. Good enough to deserve you…" Magnus was staring at him at a loss for words, disbelief etched on his beautiful features " **What?** " he managed, finally. "I'm scared…" Alec went on, his voice low.

 **…**

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"I'm scared… Of the day you'll see me for what I truly am… Of the day, when you will tell me to disappear from your sight… Of-"

"Alexander. **Stop.** " Magnus ordered, his voice grave, gripping the boy's shoulder's to make him look at him. "Stop this… **_Please…_** " he pleaded in a softer voice filled with anguish, gently wiping away Alec's tears. "I **already** see you for what you truly are."

Alec's cerulean eyes widened with horror and he gasped, burying his face in his hands. "I'm sorry… I… I will… go…"

Magnus gently but firmly took hold of his wrists prying the boy's hands away from his face "Shh…" he crooned "Look at me…" Alec did, believing that this would be the last time he could gaze upon the man he loved so impossibly much. "I look at you…" Magnus said in a low voice locking eyes with Alec who stared back, a look of anguish written all over his beautiful face "And do you know what I see?"

"A failure…" The Nephilim whispered broken, tearing up again. "A monster… An abom-"

Magnus cut him off with a kiss which left the boy looking at him shocked. "No. No, and **No.** " The Warlock said firmly. "All wrong. I see a beautiful Angel. **My** beautiful, kind Angel that the cruel world broke. And you know what I'm going to do?" He asked Alec who was still frozen in shock and only nodded 'no' in response. "I am going to protect you. From everything." He said, hugging him tightly, his tone determined. "Even yourself. Better said, yourself **first** of all. Silly, silly Nephilim…" He whispered in his ear… "Open your eyes! You are perfect! I would have to be completely stupid to let you go, never mind actually sending you away myself! The only way you can get rid of me is to ask me to leave you alone… And **mean** it." He added as an afterthought.

"I would **never** do that!" Alec shouted, finally snapping out of the shock. "But…" His energy dissipated, "But I don't understand… **How** can you **believe** that? I'm weak… useless… good for nothing…" he repeated the words constantly ringing in his head. "How could **anyone** … Love **something** like me…? Even more so… How could **you** … who are so perfect, even **look** at me…"

"Sayang…" Magnus said patiently, "If **you** can love a Demon, I think you will find that it's very easy for said Demon to love a pure **Angel** that is **_none_** of all those horrid things he's been led to believe he is."

"You are not a Demon!"

"Am I **not** baby? But I am… Look at me…" he said putting a hand over his face, pointing at his cat-eyes, fingers splayed, "And if you still can't see it, that only serves to prove my point further. That you are a too kind, and too pure, beautiful Angel who is only able to see the good in everything except himself. My precious blind Nephilim… The most beautiful soul lies inside you and you can't even see it…"

"No it doesn't." Alec said firmly. "It lies inside **you**. I can see that much even if I'm blind as you say!" He dropped his eyes to the floor, adding in a whisper "I'm sorry… I'm sorry you could even think, you are anything sort of perfect…" He hugged the Warlock tightly, burying his face in his chest, sobbing, unable to hold his tears back any longer. "I'm so sorry… For always causing you trouble… I love you… I love you so much… I'm sorry…"

"Hush…" Magnus soothed, holding him close and kissing his hair "I'm here… I'll always be here to hold you… To make everything okay… You're going to be alright… I'm never ever going to leave you… I love you…" He held him close until exhausted from crying, Alec fell asleep in his arms.

 **…**

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 **"Alternative Ending #2 will be up tomorrow!" (I promise!)**

 **Note: I'm sorry that part is so small, that was the original one, so it was meant to be fused with Ch.1.**

 **Also I'm sorry that one sucks a bit… I would delete it altogether but I couldn't bring myself to do it, there were parts I liked… :/ Hope you didn't hate it too much!**

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 **…**

 **Irrelevant, But Very Relevant note!: Did you know, Malec Week is coming up! (1-7 of August) There will be various events! It will be so cool!** **^_^** **And If you are a writer or artist you can create something for it!**


	3. Bad Day - Chapter 3 (Alt Ending 2)

**Disclaimer: I'm not Cassandra Clare thus own** **none of the** **characters.**

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 **Consider this Alternative Ending #2! (Read it after Ch.1)**

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 **Previously:** **You,** are perfect… It's all my fault… I… I am not good enough…" he said in a brittle voice. "I will never… **Could** never… be… good enough for you. Good enough to deserve you…" Magnus was staring at him at a loss for words, disbelief etched on his beautiful features " **What?** " he managed, finally. "I'm scared…" Alec went on, his voice low.

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"I'm scared… Terrified. No matter how much I think about it, I still reach the same conclusion. There's no way you would really… No way you **could** really love me… How could you? And why? You are perfect. From every aspect. Beautiful inside and out, whereas I? I'm plain. Tattered and broken. Unimportant. There is nothing beautiful about me, there's not even anything remotely nice…"

"Alexander! Don't say that! I love you!"

The Nephilim smiled sadly before saying. "And I believe you… Don't get me wrong. I believe you when you say you love me. Because **you** are the one saying it. You know I would trust you with my life, and I'd believe anything you said because I know you wouldn't lie to me… And Angel! When you do say it, you can't even begin to imagine how happy, no; ecstatic, it makes me feel. Because I love you so much and hearing you say it back is all I need to survive anything this wretched life throws at me.

But there are times when I stop to think about it, and then it doesn't make sense. And even though I believe you, I'm scared. I'm terrified of the day when you will see me the way I see myself. And then… then…" his voice broke and he took a deep breath to stop his tears from falling.

"And then?" Magnus asked softly, his green eyes full of anguish "Then what?"

"Then you will leave me. Because you will have seen me for what I truly am. And you'll be right to go. You deserve **so much more** I could never give you… Still, I'll be grateful, even of the little time given to me… It won't be enough, no matter how much time we get, it will never be enough… But… I'll be grateful. For the time I'll have left."

"What? What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that then I'm going to die. I **can't** live without you. Not **anymore**. And even if I could, I don't **want** to. I don't want to endure this world without you…"

"And weren't you scared that by saying that you may make me realize sooner and leave you? Are you prepared to die? Do you want to?"

Alec looked up at his, his blue eyes wide and filled with anguish. "Yes… I am scared. I told you so… But… I also felt that I was deceiving you… You seem unable to see the truth, and even though I'm happy you are so blind to it, I love you too much… How could I force you to stay with me?"

"Unbelievable." Magnus sighed and Alec flinched slightly. "So I guess you want to hear my answer to all that… Right?" He went on.

Alec dropped his blue eyes to the floor and taking a deep breath crossed his arms over his chest. "I know already…" He said in a voice thick with unshed tears looking terribly vulnerable.

"Still, let me answer you." Magnus said softly. "You asked ' **how** ' and ' **why** ' would I love you, right?" Alec dropped his head even more, his raven hair covering his face, and said nothing. Magnus noticed he had started shaking and he felt his heart breaking for his Angel.

"Alexander… I've been asking myself the same thing. How could someone so pure and Angelic even **look** at me with anything more than contempt reflected in his beautiful blue eyes?"

Alec looked up surprise written all over his face " _What_?"

"Alec. My Alec…" Magnus said lovingly "You are a perfect Angel…" The Nephilim just shook his head in denial and Magnus went on "And all **I** am… is an abomination… a demon…"

"NO!" Alec exclaimed reaching the Warlock's side in an instant. "What are you talking about? How could you say something like that? You can't possibly believe this? Please tell me you don't Magnus!"

"What's not to believe Sayang? I'm damaged… Clearly, I'm the one who doesn't belong with you, and **you** can't even see it."

"Oh, I can see alright." Alec said regaining his composure "You clearly **are** damaged…" Magnus turned his head away but Alec reached out and gently turned him to face him, looking lovingly in his golden green cat-eyes. "You are **very** damaged if you can sincerely believe all of this non-sense! But don't worry… I'm going to fix you… If… You want me to stay…"

Magnus only smiled and pulled him into a tight hug. "Of course I do Alexander… Always… And I swear, I'll make you see that you are anything but unimportant. I'll make you see yourself the way **I** see you, my beautiful Angel."

"Not going to happen." Said Alec immediately, but he was smiling, feeling his heart lighter already, a heavy burden lifted from his chest. "But thank you for trying…"

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 ** _Did you like it? Please, please let me know! {Which of the alternatives did you like best? I think it needed something more, sorry if it's bad... :( }_**

 **Next chapter will be the "Good day"! Coming tomorrow!**


	4. Good Day

**NOTE: Malec Week starts in 12 Days! (1/8) ^_^ So excited!**

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 **Disclaimer: I'm not Cassandra Clare thus own** **none of the** **characters.**

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 **And now, after all that depression, it's time for the Good Day!**

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 **Good day**

Magnus was lying sprawled on the bed, his head on Alec's lap. The song playing on the background changed and he made a comment about the new one and laughed, his crystal voice echoing in the room making it feel brighter. Alec smiled softly, looking down at Magnus, as the Warlock turned his attention back to his phone working on something. Alec reached out and ran his fingers through Magnus' soft hair who closed his cat-eyes sighing contently.

 _'_ _How can someone so beautiful be mine?'_ The Nephilim wondered to himself for neither the first, nor the last time, as he stared at his lover's face mesmerized. His movement paused mid-pondering and Magnus turned his gaze at him, his gorgeous green-gold eyes questioning. The Shadowhunter just looked at him, enchanted once more, as Magnus reached out to cradle his face with his free hand and Alec leaned into his lover's touch, feeling his heart melt.

"What's wrong?" Magnus asked, his voice low and sweet, filled with concern, as he took in the boy's expression.

"Nothing…" He replied "I was just wondering…"

"Wondering?" Magnus suddenly looked alarmed. "Wondering about what?"

 _'_ _He's so adorable…'_ Alec thought but concealed his smile to make him anxious "Wondering…" he trailed off, cradling the Warlock's face in his hands, absently brushing a thumb over his cheekbone; "What great good deeds I did in my past life. I must have been a great hero of the past. Or perhaps I cured cancer in a future one…"

"What?" Magnus looked confused.

"It's the only way to explain it." The Shadowhunter retorted somberly.

"Explain what?"

Alec finally smiled, that luminous smile he reserved just for his beloved, and Magnus felt his heart stop. _'He's so utterly perfect…'_

Looking deep into the Warlock's beautiful green-gold feline eyes, the boy whispered "Explain why I would deserve someone so utterly perfect." He unknowingly voiced the Warlock's previous thoughts. "I must have done something extremely good and this is my just reward." He nodded to himself, looking satisfied and went on. "Yup. That must be it. It makes sense if you think about it like that, right?" Another brilliant smile.

Magnus just looked at him incredulously.

"Whaaat?" Alec asked when his lover said nothing but kept staring.

"You… You stupid Nephilim!" Magnus unfroze pulling him into his arms and hugging him fiercely. "Stupid, stupid…" After a minute he let go, ruffling the boy's hair and lying back on his lap again. "Darling, you kill demons for a living to protect humans, you'd think that counts as a heroic deed… And also…" he smiled lovingly at him, and now it was Alec's turn to feel his heartbeat faltering. "If someone did something great and is now being rewarded for it, **of course** it must have been me! Now, pet my hair." He 'ordered' closing his eyes, a soft smile still lingering on his lips.

"Okay." Alec only said unable to suppress his own smile, as he leaned down to kiss his forehead.

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 **… …**

 **Did you like it? What did you think? I would love it if you could let me know! ^_^ Thank you in advance! (Also, I'm sorry this one is so small...)**

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 **NOTE:** _If I'm not mistaken, (and please forgive me if I am), a person is supposedly able to reincarnate in both the past and the future. {Thus the line about curing cancer in a future, past life.}_


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